Wednesday, November 11, 2009

From 'Pink' to 'Off-white'

"Why do we always tend to pick up the cup cake with the highest density of chocolate chip on the surface? Is it greed or judgement? Or is it just the fact that we want the first few bites to taste as good as possible?", she thought to herself as she pondered over what had been happening in her life over the past few months.
Having had the first boyfriend of her life just three months back, she was already giving some hints of reversal. The questions had started to get bigger. Even bigger than her own happiness. Had she gone into it too early? Was she beginning to feel the 'pink' getting 'off-white'? She wanted to shut her mind for a while but it was all too overwhelming for her mind to put aside. Not knowing what she was up to, she decided to go out and just 'see' the outer world for a while. She was not even sure if she wanted to observe her surroundings or did she want to kick the weird questions out of her mind.
The first step outside her house brought a huge sigh of relief with it. She could sense that the world outside had much more happening in it as compared to her own tiny world. Deciding to do the math, she realized that there was exactly 6.7 billion times as much drama in the world as she had in her life. The world appeared like a book with billions of pages and she started to feel as if she had restricted herself to just one page - the one that read her personal worries only.
She was surprised to notice how stepping out of home had actually help her stray from her worries. "WTH!", she whispered to herself. This very thought had brought her back to where she started her little contemplation journey. She was thinking about the same thing again which she had been thinking of for the past week. The two very familiar faces started making the same noise in her mind which had compelled her to leave home. The worst part however, was that it was coming back in the exact precise sequence. She could recall how she had met Karthik at the subway and how quickly they had gotten close to each other. The first encounter was followed by a series of planned and unplanned encounters before 'it' happened. The first two months had probably been the best two months of her life before the confusion started to creep in. It was terribly disturbing at first as it was more of a taboo to her than being a stimulus for excitement. The sense of taboo gradually started to vanish as she realized that running away from herself was too much of an ask for her. She had given in and decided to play along as she let her secret, but massive crush, Rajesh manifest within herself. Her feelings for Rajesh had now developed into a strong craving backed by Raj's looks, money and charisma. The fantasies, which took off from walking in the rain, holding hands with him, had now become strong enough for her to imagine Raj having her in the rear of his Escalade. The worst thing about this recap of events was that the most bitter of the confusions came at the end and left her with nail marks on her palms as she had unconsciously clenched her fists real hard.
A slight noise suddenly shook her as she raised her head to see an 11 years old kid leave the small kite that he was already flying and run after a huge kite that was falling from the skies. He ran as if the kite was all he wanted and getting the huge kite would leave him with all the happiness in the world. The kite fell about 30 yards away from where she was standing and it appeared that the kid had made it. What seemed weird though was that there was a sudden sign of disappointment on the kid's face followed by a sharp glance towards the spot where he was previously flying his kite from. This added to the disappointment on his face as his little kite was nowhere to be seen in the skies now. She could now make out that the bigger kite, which he had chased so hard, had a broken straw and there was no way that it could be mended.
This brought a clear hint of knowing-ness on her face as she turned back and headed for her home. She was not confused anymore as she had learnt the most important lesson of her life from an 11 years old. She most certainly did not want to see the 'pink' fading to 'off-white' again.

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